Remembrance

This is what I wrote last year in reference to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001:

"Three years ago today, I lived in Brooklyn, NY and worked in Manhattan as a money manager. Everyone in Manhattan that day has their own story to tell & I will spare you the details my particular story. However, at the time, I had a 4 month old baby. Had I not been a wife and a mother on 9/11/01, I am certain my life would be very different today. I was absolutely devoted to both my career and to my family. But being a mother certainly made that day unique for me. In the immediate aftermath of the planes crashing into the towers, I do not remember being concerned with myself. My fear was whether or not my husband and I could make it back to our baby girl so she would grow up with at least one of us. My mission that day was for one of us to get home to her. My husband was closest, so he walked home over the Brooklyn Bridge. In the hours that followed & the difficulties encountered in walking home, I was given plenty of time to think. I realized that as a mother and a parent, I am responsible for meeting my children's needs. On 9/11, I was not available to meet my daughter's needs. Yes, I feared for all of our lives, but what struck me was that I was not available when my child possibly needed me most. She needed me to protect her in a potentially threatening situation and I had chosen to be away from her. It was my choice, because my job and career was not a necessity for our family's survival.

"So, after much deliberation, I realized that it was important for me to stay home with my children. I do not want to be away from them during a time of crisis again. Now, there are plenty of days (esp potty training) when I think it is much easier to negotiate with adults than children. What am I DOING as a full-time parent? There are plenty of days when my former colleagues call me, hear me talking to my young children, and ask me why I gave up so much to just stay home. There are plenty of other mothers (e.g. the crazy working mom on Dr. Phil a week ago) who think that I am wasting myself. However, there is NO time that I regret my decision to be with my children. We all make our own choices and I am very respectful of everyone's decision. I just wish that our society could be more respectful of every mother's situation, whether they have a choice or not.

"I wish you all much peace on this day of remembrance."

Last night I watched an HBO documentary featuring former Mayor Rudolf Giuliani. I sobbed uncontrollably at various parts of the film. Yet, I could not pry my eyes from the television screen.

At one point, Giuliani says, "...through our tears, we grow stronger...."

And we do. It's important to remember. It's important to remember why we choose to do the things we do. And most importantly, it's important to appreciate all that we have.