BAND-AIDs® Fix Everything

For my kids, BAND-AIDs® solve nearly any problem they might have. Last night was a perfect example.

A few days ago, Valerie contracted a pretty hefty boo-boo on her left knee while playing outside at school. The teachers reported that she took it like a real champ; few tears, no limping, no major drama. She usually saves the real drama for audiences like ole mom and dad and extended audiences like sucker grandparents. While this particular scrape warranted some TLC, I was proud to know that she could demonstrate fortitude. However, riding home in the car from school that day, Valerie could have won an oscar as the lead actress in a knee-scraping dramatic film. We arrived home to quickly carry out our accustomed boo-boo healing routine: mommy kisses boo-boos whether visible or not, mommy carefully cleans said boo-boo with antiseptic, mommy kisses said boo-boo again, mommy applies pain-relief ointment, mommy affixes appropriate adhesive bandage, and mommy kisses said boo-boo one final time. After that, my kids return to their busybody activities without a second thought.

For the last few days, Valerie and I accomplished the necessary boo-boo TLC routine in private, mostly to avoid doling out unnecessary BAND-AIDs® to lil' sis Dagny. Last night, Ken orchestrated the regular bath routine until I was urgently beckoned to perform boo-boo TLC management. In my rush to find the necessary supplies, I happened to grab enough BAND-AIDs® to allow for Dagny's participation in the boo-boo TLC routine, despite her being boo-boo-less. Through Ken's genius, we now keep all household BAND-AIDs® out of child reach to reduce the previously high BAND-AID® utilization rate which was impeding our ability to enhance the kids' college funds. In all honestly, our BAND-AID® frugality resulted when, a few months ago, Valerie exhibited her fascination with BAND-AIDs® by consuming two large boxes of adhesive bandages in less than 10 minutes.

Back to last evening's bedtime routine....

Valerie calmed down after receiving enough boo-boo TLC. Dagny showed pleasure in also becoming a BAND-AID® participant, after hesitantly pointing to her invisible boo-boo. We brushed our hair, brushed our teeth, read stories, drank water and exchanged goodnight hugs and kisses. Ken and I made our exit. Within moments of arriving downstairs, we turned on the monitor to hear intensive bawling from our youngest child. Normally, we try to ride out the whimpers and regular complaints with disregard. However, this cry needed immediate attention. At first, I attempted to assuage Dagny's piercing cries, but I wasn't good enough. So, daddy was called to the rescue. Apparently, he wasn't good enough either. Between screams and gulps for air, the child seemed to indicate a need for something in the bathroom.

Me: Do you want some water?
Dagny: NO.... WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: Do you want to go potty?
Dagny: NO.... WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: What do you want?
Dagny: OOOOOOUUUUUIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!
Me: Do you have a boo-boo?
Dagny: OOOOOOUUUUUIIIIIEEEEEEEE (while staring at her pointed index finger)
Me: Do you need a BAND-AID®?
Dagny: (Gulped for air and shook her head yes)

After inspecting her invisible boo-boo, I decided to take the previously placed BAND-AID® and put it where requested.

Dagny: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: OMG, WHAT is the matter? I am NOT giving you 2 BAND-AIDs® for fake boo-boos! One is plenty!
Dagny: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (which continued for 15 minutes)

As a parent, my role is not only to love my children, but to guide them and prepare them for an independent life. I refuse to give into their wishes when it comes to important issues like their health and financial concerns. While a BAND-AID® is a minor financial concern, going through two boxes of BAND-AIDs® every 10 minutes adds up to be a costly activity. Granted, you have to pick your battles, and it seems petty that I picked this battle. In retrospect, perhaps I just should have given her the damn second BAND-AID®! It would have made the evening more pleasant. I mean, if you think about it, BAND-AIDs® solve the majority of problems a young child might have, emotional or physical. If we doled out more BAND-AIDs® to the general American public, many of us may be much less reliant on Prozac or other drugs of that ilk. In the meantime, I should invest in Johnson & Johnson stock. Adding the cost of the stock with my quarterly cash outlay to purchase BAND-AIDs®, maybe I will break even in 25 years.