Lessons Learned

Parents and children had more personal freedoms when I grew up. Of course, that's my perception. But, some of life's lessons were not necessarily taught to me by my parents or my teachers. They just came from personal experiences of what worked and what didn't.

For example, I don't remember my mother nagging me to wear a specific type of shoe to school. I don't recall the "rules" about the types of shoes a child could wear to school. The way I remember it, if I wore the wrong shoes to school, I quickly discovered my mistake when I couldn't properly grip the jungle gym with my feet. The next day, and thereafter until my memory lapsed due to the discovery of a fashionable alternative, I wore the appropriate feet gear.

Recently, I purchased Valerie the ugly, but growing in popularity, croc shoes. Upon receipt, the shoes won a very warm reception and were chosen to be worn to school. The shoes technically fit into the "covered toes" category, but clearly they were not going to be useful for climbing on playground equipment. Being a mother prone to nagging, I recall questioning my daughter's decision. "Valerie, those shoes are not appropriate to wear to school. Your sneakers are a better choice." As expected, she rejected my opinion. For the first time in two years of attending school, I opted to let her learn for herself.

Little did I know, that HER choice would be my fault.

Picking Valerie up from school that afternoon, she immediately expressed her outrage. "MOMMY, Ms. S said that YOU should NOT let me wear these shoes to school," she reprimanded.

Interested to understand what transpired, I asked, "Why?"

Valerie explained, "Because I will slip and fall and HURT myself."

Looking for more, I asked, "So did you?"

Valerie said, "No. Ms. S wouldn't let me play on the playground because these shoes are dangerous."

That's very interesting.... Now, she knows that she can't wear the shoes on the playground because of what she was TOLD, not because of what she experienced.

I assumed that was the end of the event, until I opened Valerie's backpack which carried a personal note from Ms. S. It said, "Mrs Haim, While Valerie's shoes are very cute, please do not let Valerie wear these shoes to school. They are unsafe for playing outside. Thank you for your help and understanding in this matter."

At first, I felt guilty. How could a caring, responsible mother send her offspring to school in unsafe shoes?

Then, I grew a little miffed. Why is this my fault? At some point, children will have to learn about life via the traditional trial and error method. Perhaps this is how adults are failing children these days - children haven't learned anything from personal experience because they just aren't ALLOWED to make natural mistakes anymore. Perhaps this is why kids who graduate from college these days are incapable of making independent decisions.

Then it hit me. Ms. S doesn't know whether or not I'm one of those parents whose lawyers will show up threatening to sue the school in the event she falls and breaks a limb. I don't think I'm one of those parents. But then again, Valerie hasn't broken a limb on school grounds, yet.